Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart

Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart

Yeah! I am sure everyone has been through it… its almost going to be a year since I ended my four year relationship. It’s not him that I miss. I miss the relationship. I still have trouble sleeping at nights.
Trying to get over something as big as a four year relationship is not easy. I miss my friend, my lover, my confidant, my partner in crime and my drinking buddy!!!! Relationships come to an end for a reason and I see it as the end of a new beginning…
I decided to end the relationship because even though he loved me to death and still does he wasn’t giving 110 per cent to the relationship. I was always looking out for our future while still enjoying the moments as well. My mind set was and always has been that: if after four years in a relationship he hasn’t made an effort to take it to the next level… then there’s no point in continuing. By taking the relationship to the next level I don’t mean marriage! It could be small things like starting a savings account together, getting a puppy (as a love child hahaha) going house hunting. I don’t think I asked for much and I was willing to work extra hard to make both our dreams come true.
To my surprise we were not on the same page… he thought that taking the next step forward was too risky too soon (after four years!!!) and he wanted to remain in the same relationship status that we were in. He didn’t see a need to move on, although he loved me to death and still does.
That’s when it all went down hill… I didn’t want him to be tied down to me. I thought that maybe if we took sometime off from each other then maybe we could both find what we were really looking for.
But, who am I kidding I just wasn’t in love anymore. I wanted to live, experience and have no regrets. I don’t want to look back and ask myself why didn’t you give yourself a chance to experience, party and have fun. Why did you stay in a relationship for so long with a guy that wasn’t ready to give you what you needed?
Try sleeping with a broken heart… yeah I ended it, I got what I wanted, but I still have a broken heart because in the beginning I was in it for the long run. I was ready to grow up together, learn together and experience new things together. All my hard work efforts and heartaches thrown away. I will not say it was a waste of four years because it wasn’t. It was a learning experience… you grown from it and you move on
Not as easy as it sounds… late nightS up thinking and thinking. Wondering what if we try this or that. Nights were you cry yourself to sleep because there is no one to blame but yourself. Maybe if I lower my standards and give him another opportunity things will work out.
I miss his hugs, his kisses our naps…but you can’t sit and think about the good old days. In order to survive a broken heart you focus on how much you're worth as a person and what it is that makes YOU happy. You concentrate on loving yourself before you can love someone else.
Emotional breakdowns still happen and it’s a long road to find a healed heart. I am getting there. Every day is one day closer to moving on.